Day 30
Gratitude
I have been thinking about my final Ramadan Reflection blog the last couple of days… I cannot believe this is my last one? WOW.
My mom used to always say that Ramadan is a mubarak time; TTG has always said it is her favorite time and like I said in my first blog, it has formerly been a time of mixed feelings and emotions. And right now, at the edges of the arc of this month I see what they mean. The hope that this holy month has instilled in me, alhamdidullah; the sadness I feel that it is ending; and looking forward to another one, inshallah.
In all of this, I feel like TTG’s blog from yesterday and gratitude is the word that sums so much of this experience up for me…
We started this blog and I had NO idea who would read this… and honestly, I don’t really know who is. But I do know that I check out the stats each day and people actually do read this. You are part of my community, my ummah and I am grateful to you.
At work, I told one of the security guards that I was fasting for Ramadan and whenever I see her she apologizes for chewing in front of me, ha! She even notices the days that I am not, with a coffee in hand… and really, I am grateful to her. I am grateful that she cares.
The sad, sad and disgusting state of Islamophobia and Racism in the world has been on the forefront of my mind and very clear to all… from the Rohingya community, to Toronto, to the Sikh temple shooting, to the variety of FUCKED UP billboards in NY… I just don’t understand. It’s hard to think positively in those moments… in fact, I read about the islamophobic ads (http://gothamist.com/2012/08/16/islamophobic_billboard_at_metro-nor.php) and had no words and all I could think for a minute was something I usually hear my dad mutter to himself when he is fuming and angry:
la hawla wa laa quwwata illah billah
there is no might nor power except by Allah
And I was freed up from my sadness.
What Allah did make me present to my community – I posted the link onto Facebook and realized, Wow, alhamdulillah, I have such amazing, awesome, radical people in my life. I am eternally grateful to them.
I am grateful for Terna. I don’t thank Allah enough for bringing her into my life. Most of the time people ask how we met and I tell them we met at GLSEN and then our work around Interrupting Islamophobia and then of course, Coming Out Muslim. The story sort of gets fast forwarded and I don’t get to say much more.
What I’d like to say is that our meeting was God-given. We didn’t JUST meet at work – we were interviewing for the SAME job and then got hired for the SAME job. Under normal circumstances, she would be my competitor and only one of us could get the gig – however it was God’s doing to bring us together. I immediately felt known and could share things that I never share with any one else. And, she was my heart’s sustainer when I was going through major transitions.
I am grateful for TTG because she is the vessel through which Allah has given me my proudest success: Coming Out Muslim. I would never, ever, EVER put myself out there in such a public and vulnerable way and yet, it never really dawned on me until just about October 2011, before our first show. I think TTG even asked me if I was ready for this and I said yes because I was in this adventure alongside of her.
And the truth is, I don’t see TTG much in-person right now and we haven’t had a whole lot of phone time either and yet she is present to me each day of this month as we share Ramadan this way together – virtually and spiritually.
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If you are reading this right now, yes YOU, whoever you are – I am grateful for you.
xo Wazina
