Day 23

Inner & Outer Self

“You must…improve your inward aspect until it becomes better than your virtuous outward appearance, for the former is where the gaze of the Real obtains, while the latter is where the envious gaze of creation is to be found. God never mentioned the inward and the outward in His Book without beginning with the inward. And the Prophet used to pray, may blessings and peace be upon him: ‘O God! Make my inward better than my outward, and make my outward virtuous.’

Beware of doing in secret that which if seen by people would make you ashamed and worried about being censured. A gnostic once said: ‘A sufi is not a sufi unless, were everything that is in her/him to be exposed on a plate in the marketplace, s/he would not be ashamed of anything that came to light.’ (From The Book of Assistance, Imam Al-Haddad)

I love and recommend Imam Al-Haddad’s The Book of Assistance, because it is divided into bite-size essays about topics ranging from certainty, to fortitude, to divine love and contentment. I find it challenging to read long books full of amazing mystical teachings. I find I can really only take in a few sentences at a time of such text.

Considering the snippet above, I am reminded of how simple it sounds, something like the equivalent of “get your soul right and the rest will follow” or “if your soul ain’t right, doesn’t matter what appearances you are putting on”. What do you imagine when you think of having everything inside you exposed? What would we behold? Would you be glad to claim all of it? Would you be glad to claim responsibility for all of it? I like to think I could do so without shame (though that could be my pride talking, ha ha!) Shame is powerful, so powerful that some of us form our entire identity around its avoidance. How do we live and nourish our inner and outer selves in such a way that we are in divine alignment? Alignment brooks no shame because it supports us in a life that is not without mistakes or missteps, but one in which we do not fear to claim what is beautiful and ugly within us, a life in which we do not fear our own humanity.

Quran tells us that Allah sees, hears and knows everything within us, whether we speak it aloud or not. Allah is closer to us than our own jugular veins. Every time I think of that I tremble and am astounded and know that it is beyond me to really comprehend. It makes me think of the idea that to hear the voice of God, unmediated by a burning bush or a mountain, would cause our human hearts to explode.

Question to the audience: how do you nourish your inner self?